Okay - let's get fuckin real now! Why the hell is it that the second people get in an airport or on an airplane they lose all common sense and decency?! I thought I would wait a good week to write this blog after getting of a plan because I would have calmed down... but nope! So here goes!
Misty-dawn's rules of flying: (okay - they are maybe more of my pet peeves...)
Airport security - yes they will always be right!! If you have to take your shoes off, you have to take them off!! If you have to take everything out of your pockets, you have to take everything out of your pockets. Why do people still think they can take full water-bottles on the plane?! Thats been a rule forever now. And if you're traveling with kids food - stop lying about it...
Leaving Toronto I think one time... this lady is traveling with her, I don't know... 6/7 kids! And she has food for them all. Totes understandable... I mean we all know kids needs snacks and sometimes thats the only thing that keeps them happy. So normally still you can bring food and drinks on for your kids and bring it through security! But this woman... I am not even kidding you had two whole kids suitcases filled with fucking apple sauce, yogurt, those pedialite shake things, candy, water, pop, juice... fuckin enough to feed an army and then give army diabetes! And I think the rule is they have to be sealed upon entry into security... ya no! They had to go through every single thing in her suitcases - holding up and entire line of security at Toronto Pearson Airport... in December... And when they starting throwing stuff out on her, I was out because she actually went batshit crazy! And while all this was happening... ALL of her children were screaming and running wild!
Waiting lounge - sharing is caring peoples!! Do you really need to spread your shit out and lay across all the seats in the waiting lounge?! NO... no you don't. The waiting lounge (public one - not like the swanky first class lounges that have beds and showers) is not an extension of your bedroom. Be respectful of other passengers.
This last trip down to AZ this man was zonked out next to me in the waiting lounge (at 2:30pm none the less) snoring so fucking loud I was ready to smother him with my carry-on. He sprawled out starfish on the seats like it was his lump-ass-twin-size-bed... No!! There were so many people standing and there was at least 5 people sprawled out on the seats sleeping in the afternoon!!
Boarding time... aka stampede time!! You people do realize that you have a ticket, you have a seat, the crew is not going to give away your seat if you board at the correct time!
Again, this last trip to AZ I was flying american airlines and they board by zones. Small children, old people, military first. Exit row people next. Then zone 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7... If you are in zone 6 GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE LINE AND STAY SITTING!! There were so many people jammed up at the front that weren't boarding that when they finally called my zone (Zone 5) I had no problem BUSTING through people to get up there! The crew couldn't figure out why no one in the other zones were boarding - the wall of idiots... thats why!! Literally have had an easier time herding 200 head of cattle in from the field to get vaccinated and tagged than trying to board a plane.
"Please move into your assigned row to allow other passengers to pass" They say it all the time... not a hard concept. But heaven fucking forbid.
So this blog post has literally taken me years to write because every time I start I really feel bad about my rant but getting on a flight to Calgary today I almost committed murder so it’s time. This man was legit just standing in the row stretching as we were boarding. So I say “excuse me sir - I need to get to my seat” AND THE FUCKER had the nerve to tell me to go around… now y’all are confused but we are on a huge plane that has two isles. I am in 28H exit row so there is a specific isle I need to go down to get to my seat! But NOPE he told me to go around. So I explained that my seat was just a few rows back there’s no need for me to go around. AND HE SAID “SO”… and that was it. I took my fat body and pushed right passed him not even caring that my bag hit him in the balls on the way by. One flight attendant winked at me and the other just stared. Y’all couldn’t help?! No, cool - next.
Children… mother fucking children… they are your responsibility people!!! listen, I like kids. I really do. But if y’all can’t take care of them keep them off a plane.
This is the one that encouraged me to finally post this blog. I am sitting on this flight to Calgary with my music blaring in my ears right now because there is a 4 year old 2 or so rows behind me that will not stop SCREAMING! And her parents are USELESS - just keep saying “shh” ARE YOU KIDDING!?! First of all, something is clearly bothering her like her ears maybe, or the fact that it’s been a rough flight and she’s scared?! Help her. And secondly if it’s not something bothering her pay attention to her to shut her up!! The dad has headphones on and hasn’t looked at her once. And the mom is reading something on her iPad and the kid is sitting there with no toys, no iPad, no food, no drink; no nothing to keep her content. My parents took us on many flights as kids and they always had a full stock of things to keep us happy… you mean to tell me these parents right now packed themselves iPads and phone and headphones yet just forgot they were flying 4 hours with a small ch8ld who needs to be occupied?! ** I have now had to fix a typo here because THIS KID IS NOW RUNNING UP AND DOWN THE ISLE AND RAN INTO MY ARM! Remind me again why you don’t need a licence to have a baby but you need one for a dog?!
the the original date on this post was December 17 2019 - today is September 27 2019… finally posting lol.
okay here are my tips: (because as Kirstyn pointed out I spend more time in travel vessels than I do at home lol)
Most importantly - you only get to bring one carryon bag and one purse on the plane. If you show up with 3 you’re an idiot. And if your bag is the size of a regular suitcase you are also an idiot. Respect the damn on board luggage rules.
If you have children, please remember they can have their own carryon and they are allowed anything in it! There is no restrictions on food and drink in their carryon through security. Give them something to drink during take off and landing because it hurts their ears and swallowing helps!
when you’re waiting in the security lineup, get started getting ready. Take out your laptop & liquids so they can go in their bin. Take off you watch and belt while you’re waiting. You coat has to come off no matter how much you argue, so just do it ahead of time.
Be courteous to those around you in the lounge by using only one chair if it’s busy. And if you snore, stay the fuck awake.
Wait for your goddamn zone number. Quit being in a hurry to get on the plane. It’s assigned seating… I promise you’re fine.
If your bag doesn’t fit up top that’s a pretty good fuckin indicator that it should be checked… just saying. Don’t argue with the flight attendant saying it fit last time… it didn’t! You lying!
Let people move passed you while you dig shit out of your bag during boarding. Just sit. Dig it out. Stand when there’s a chance and move when needed.
Stop letting your children run wild on the plane…
Wear deodorant… stop farting constantly… shower…. it’s recycled air people!!
Stop harassing the flight attendants.
enjoy your flight :)
im out lol
chat soon xo